Who really is the difficult one?

My life with Albie has been a challenge in so many ways. Not for him, but for me. I have had to learn all about dog behavior. Dogs don't come with instructions and, for most dogs, they don't need any. Humans spent ten thousand years taming and training canines to become their best friend. And virtually every dog owner knows the results of this millennia of hard work. The Ecstatic tail, the hopping and jumping, the overwhelming exuberance when you walk in the door after a long days work. I've known such devotion in the years that I've been fortunate to have a dog as a part of my life. Alas, Albie's greetings leave me wanting. And it isn't his greeting to  anyone, just to me. When he sees Kevin coming home from work,  it's the expected enthusiasm that you always see. Even with our friends, his excitement is barely containable to the point where he can't even control his bladder. I never get that response, ever. Not even when Kevin's been gone for several days. Nope, I'm just greeted with a level of ambivalence and a face that says, 'oh it's just you.' I'm not exaggerating either. I sometimes even get barks with his hackles raised, though that probably happens because he doesn't realize it's me. His hackles usually go down right about the time he sees my face.
None of this is a complete surprise. I knew when we got Albie that he would mostly be Kevin's dog. He goes to work with him virtually every day and spends all day with him, so of course Albie has a stronger connection to Kevin then he does to me. Ironically, I work as a dog walker, so in theory I could take him to work with me everyday. And though I have tried a couple of times, Albie always demands too much of my attention. Unfortunately, this job that I love so much makes my dog's snubs become even more glaring.  Why do all the other dogs, some of whom I only see once or twice a week, become so excited whereas my own dog is quite blase about my entrance?
Just like every other thing with Albie, this was going to take some work. What I realized was I had to make him want to see me.  I had to give him a reason to be excited when I came home and that was really quite easy. Just make sure to take him out and play ball with him everyday. He still doesn't treat me like he does everyone else, but he's definitely happier to see me. I just have to make sure to keep up my side of the bargain and hide my disappointment when he bounces uncontrollably upon seeing our friends. 

But this wasn't the end of my illogical issues with him. For reasons unknown to us, Albie frequently doesn't react in the usual 'dog' way. I've already discussed his dislike of being touched. Albie also can get over-stimulated when he is playing. The best way to describe what happens is to compare him to a cat. It is quite common that cats who are petted for too long will inexplicable lash out at their guardian's hand. If Albie gets too riled up, he will stop playing and start growling. He never has tried to bite either of us, but he sounds ferocious enough that it quickly puts a damper on playtime. Kevin and I both know that this is a possibility; however, sometimes when I'm playing with him, I forget and begin to internalize his emotions. It happened just the other day and I grew angry with him, claiming that he 'hated' me. I know how absurd and anthropomorphic that sounds, but these instances can dredge up old issues I have harbored since childhood. 

Until recently, I thought I was the only person who felt they were a disappointment to their pet. Then I stumbled upon a book called Travels with Casey and was excited to read that the author felt the same way. When he discussed this with his therapist, he learned that he was expecting specific responses from Casey and, when he didn't get them, he was projecting his inefficacy on the dog. A light bulb went off in my head. My age-old worries over whether someone liked me or not were resurfacing in my dog. The reality is Albie frequently doesn't respond in the typical canine way to situations. Because he was obviously taken from his litter too young, he doesn't know how to play; thus, he growls. It has happened often enough that I can predict when it will happen. I've learned so much from Albie, but I still struggle with my own emotions. Unfortunately, I'm on my own with that one. I just have to stop and remind myself that Albie doesn't hate me. He just wants what any dog wants, treats and ball.